The dreaded checklist
August 5, 2020

When you find that you are looking to validate yourself through the lives of others, remind yourself, “No comparison necessary”! Not only that but how can you compare your unique self with another unique person? You are the one and only YOU ever created. After you were made, the mold was destroyed. There can never be another. Our uniqueness is at the core of what makes us who we are. From the freckles on your face to the texture of your hair, and even the shape of your lips, these things are yours.

I have always struggled with feeling beautiful in my skin, not feeling worthy to even exist at times. After a while, I realized that I was comparing the fullness of ME to the best parts of the lives of others. This can be a very dangerous thing to do, especially when making life-altering decisions based on what you see featured on the highlight reels of others.

I had to tell myself “Stop, just stop.”

Any person or entity online that triggered a negative comparison within me, I unfollowed. It is as simple as that. I had to take the opportunity to shift my thinking, and over some time I started to understand why I thought to even make the analogy in the first place. Although it was difficult in the beginning, I learned to shift my thoughts from personal reproach to finding inspiration.

Measuring up

Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that I am a beautiful & rare individual. Always have been, always will be. Nothing will change that. But for most of my life, I have looked to the appearance and accomplishments of others to gauge what I have or am. Don’t get me wrong. This was never for competitive purposes but as a scale of sorts. I have used the “success” of others to see if I am up to par. There is a fatal flaw with that philosophy. They are living their lives, just as I am supposed to be living mine. 

Inspiration not influence

The environment around us influences the decisions we make. No doubt. I had to realize that the same way we are influenced, we also affect or inspire others. Everyone has their own style, a way that they wear their hair or pair clothes and shoes that is unique to them. THAT individuality should be celebrated instead of attempting to fit into a mold that wasn’t made for you.

Who’s to blame?

I know in this age of social media, it is easy to place the blame there. Looking to others for the benchmark of how your life should be has been and will always be something people do with regularity. It could have been blamed on music videos when they arrived or printed magazines when they began also. We are all flawed in that way at some point in our lives and I want it to be your mission to stop comparing your success against that of others. The better place for your focus is defining your own success, and celebrate it for yourself.

If you want to be healthier, take the steps to do what is healthy for YOUR body, YOUR well-being. If self-care is something you need to do more of, then do it YOUR way and at YOUR pace. Nothing that you do for YOU is required to resemble anything anybody else does for themselves. Understand that you can look to the outside world for inspiration, but don’t allow that inspiration to turn into detrimental thoughts or actions of self. Know that your motivation will come after you take action.

Just Do YOU

Honestly, the best advice I can give is “Do You.” Stop worrying about how it looks to people, just do you what your intuition tells you is for you. Remember that the pursuit of perfection is a futile quest. Put your energies into being the best YOU that is humanly possible.

Photo by Mikoto.Raw on Pexels


  1. Ch’Bree Butler says:

    Love this message ❤️

    • admin says:

      Thank you so much. I share messages the resonate with me, because I know it will for someone else ❤️🙏🏽

  2. Veronica says:

    Love the reflection and transparency

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